Once upon a time a starving man named Harry Enis was
walking in the middle of a Chinese forest when he
stumbled upon a huge mansion. It was close to nightfall
and he had no where to stay, no food, and nothing to
make camp; so he walked up to the mansion and rang the
doorbell. A very ancient man with a long beard
brushing the floor answered the loud, clanging gong.
Harry begged for a place of shelter, and the old man
pitied him and let him stay. At dinner the old man
introduced Harry to his daughter, Naomi. She was the
meaning of beauty, and Harry instantly fell for her -
mostly because he hadn't done it in a while, due to his
disposition of starving and homeless in a forest. -
ANYWAY - The old man saw Harry eyeing his daughter and
said to him, "If you touch my daughter, I will subject
to you the three worst Chinese tortures."
That night Harry snuck out of his room and into Naomi's.
Having been cooped up in this old mansion for so long,
she had no objections.
In the morning he woke up, and after 10 minutes decided
that something heavy was on his chest stopping him from
breathing properly. He opened his eyes to find a 50 kilo
rock on his chest with sign on it that said "First
Chinese Torture: 50 kilo rock on chest." Thinking
that it wasn't that heavy he picked it up and threw it
out the window. As the rock fell out the window he
noticed a sign on the bottom that said "Second Chinese
Torture: Rock tied to right testicle." In a panic he
jumped out the window, what man wouldn't? Unfortunately
he looked up and saw the sign on the bottom of the
window sill "Third Chinese Torture: left testicle tied
to bed post."