Dear Diary,
I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges
of men & women differ so
much. And I have never figured out the whole 'Venus
and Mars' thing. I've
also never figured out why men think with their head
while women think with
their heart. And I've yet to figure out how the
sexual desire gene gets
thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the
words "I do".
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting
into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says:
"I don't feel like it, I
just want you to hold me".
I said: "WHAT??????"
So she says the words that I and every husband on
the planet dread. She
explains that I must not be in tune with her
emotional needs as a Woman. I'm
thinking: "What was her first clue?". I finally
realized that nothing was
going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.
The very next day, we went shopping at a big,
unnamed department store. I
walked around with her while she tried on three
different very expensive
outfits. She could not decide which one to take so I
told her to take all
three of them. She then tells me that she wants
matching shoes worth $200.00
a pair to which I say ok. And then we go to the
jewelry dept. where she gets
a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you........
she was so excited. She
must have thought that I was one wave short of a
shipwreck, but I don't
think she cared. I think she was testing me when she
asked for a tennis
bracelet because she does not even play tennis. I
think I threw her for a
loop when I told her that it was ok.
She was so excited by all of this when she finally
said: "I'm ready to go to
the cash register". I could hardly contain myself
when I blurted out: "No,
honey I don't feel like buying all this stuff now."
You should have seen her
face......it went completely blank. I then said,
"Really honey! I just want
you to HOLD this stuff for a while". And just when
she had this look like
she was going to kill me I added, "You must not be
in tune with my financial
needs as a Man".
I figure that I won't be having sex again until
sometime after the spring of
2008. |
