How Red is Your Neck?

You Might Be a Redneck If...
 

• You ever listed fuzzy dice on an insurance claim.
• Your trolling motor used to be a fan in a barber shop.
• You list tick removal as a skill on your resume.
• You use an ironing board as a knick-knack shelf.
• You think the Battle of the Bulge is an argument between your wife and your mother.
• You've ever driven around looking for your porch roof after a bad storm.
• Your nicest towels say, "Property of Motel 6".
• You get your daily requirement of fiber from toothpicks.
• The photo on your driver's license includes your dog.
• You've been too drunk to fish.
• You've had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
• You ever used a weed eater indoors.
• You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
• You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'
• You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
• Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six pack.
• Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
• You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
• Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people".
• You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
• Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
• You roll your hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
• You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
• The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."
• You have 5 cars that are immobile and a house that is!
• Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
• Your `huntin' dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
• Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
• You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
• It's Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
• You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three primary colors.
• Your idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"
• Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
• You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
• You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.
• You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.
• Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner. 
• You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
• The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.
• You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
• You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
• You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
• You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
• Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
• The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.
• You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
• You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
• You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
• You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
• You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
• The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
• You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.

 

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