Optical Illusion

January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000.00 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running amuck inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving tyke was Ms. Robertson’s son. June 1998: A 19-year-old…

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says; “You don’t know Jack Schitt.”Now you can intellectually handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt.            Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt,the owner of the Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.They had…

The Old Man’s Job Application This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas. NAME: George Martin SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman, (or at least, one who’ll cooperate). DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in…

Now THAT’S a lot of Snow!

An old woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish New York City Office Building.  A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator and smelling like expensive perfume turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, “Giorgio – Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!” The next young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator…

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN. * Wine her, * Dine her, * Call her, * Hug her, * Support her, * Hold her, * Surprise her, * Compliment her, * Smile at her, * Listen to her, * Laugh with her, * Cry with her, * Romance her, * Encourage her, * Believe in her,…