Santa’s Dead

Spelling to get into Heaven A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates.She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw…

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What’s politics?” Dad says, ” Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs…

Dear Diary, I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I have never figured out the whole ‘Venus and Mars’ thing. I’ve also never figured out why men think with their head while women think with their heart. And I’ve yet to figure out how…

Reason #3 why you should never be the first one to pass out at a party… (Reason 1  and  Reason 2  in case you missed them)

The Texan Farmer A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and begins talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says,“Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”   Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the…