Monkey Business

We’ll just take the most prominent for example’s sake: $ Michael Jordan having “retired,” with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not. $ If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head. $ If he goes to see a movie,…

Farting Your Guts Out Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Every morning for 15 years, Bob wakes up, farts loudly, rolls over onto his back and gets up for work.Every morning for 15 years, Martha says, “One of these days, you’re gonna fart your guts out!”One Thanksgiving morning, Martha is preparing the…

A blonde is explaining to her girlfriend the bad day she’d had at work, and that her boss had suffered a heart attack and died. “How horrible!” said the friend, “What did you do?” The blonde replies, “Well there was nothing I could do. He kept yelling at me to call 9-1-1, but he wouldn’t…

A struggling zoo’s main attraction, a gorilla, dies during their most popular season. They can’t afford to lose the gorilla so they secretly hire one of the employees to be a gorilla in a suit for an extra $500 a week. He quickly becomes even more popular than the original gorilla, everyone wants to see…